Discover the joy of saying No

Does your life feel over-busy?

Is your calendar squeezed full with social events? Is your to-do list overflowing with favours or tasks you feel obliged to do? Or, indeed, is your home awash with well-meaning gifts that now you feel too guilty to let go of? 

Maybe now is the time to declutter - and more than just your home. Maybe you could do with simplifying your life using the magic of saying “No, thank you”.

APDO member Kate Yiannacou shares why accepting every opportunity that comes your way might not be the best approach and how saying No might bring you peace and freedom.

Why No is so important

Many of us are conditioned to accept what is given to us. When homework was set in school, we didn’t have the option to decline. When projects are handed to us at work, we often can’t refuse them. When friends invite us out and we have no other plans, we just book it into the calendar.

However, saying Yes to everything might make other people happy (“Of course I can help you with that project” or “Sure, I’d love to come out for your birthday”), but in doing this we might be making ourselves feel over-stretched and overwhelmed. 

So, it is important to learn to get comfortable saying No if we want to be able to preserve our own wellbeing.

Set your own boundaries

To get comfortable with saying No, you have to really think about what is important to you, what is a valuable use of your time, and who deserves your time.

Is it more important to you that your boss sees you being social at the office drinks, or is it more important to you that you finish the book you started? 

There is no right or wrong answer here – everyone will have different priorities and, in fact, your own priorities are likely to ebb and flow based on any number of factors, so the important thing is to consistently tune in to what feels right. But once you understand what is important to you and where you want to be focusing your energy, it is easier to say No to even very exciting opportunities if they don’t align with your boundaries and priorities.

Being intentional makes it special

If you are floating through decisions, saying Yes without really reflecting on why you’ve agreed, then consider this: do you feel more special when someone gives you a generic box of chocolates or a really well-considered and thoughtful gift? Both are likely to be very nice, but the second one perhaps goes a bit deeper, feels more personal, and may make you feel more special. 

In the same way, you can say Yes to every single favour asked of you and probably raise no more than a cursory “thanks”, but if you only respond to the favours that sit within your boundaries then your time is much more likely to be genuinely appreciated, rather than taken for granted.

Say No to make space for Yes

When you let go of all those automatic yeses, you’re likely to find yourself feeling calmer and more present, and with increased energy levels - and time! This means if an exciting opportunity comes along that requires a big chunk of both time and energy you might actually have the capacity to take advantage of it and say Yes!

This is also true on a practical level, too – if our homes are full of physical things we’ve unthinkingly said Yes to, then we might not be able to see the things we really love or have any space to allow in something that could make a positive difference to our lives. 

When we think about decluttering and organising, our minds tend to go to the excess ‘stuff’ in our homes, but I hope that by learning to set boundaries and saying No to the things that don’t fit with your priorities, you will find your calendar, your to-do list and your headspace a bit more clutter-free, too. 

If you would like to find a Professional to help you declutter your home and your mind, take a look at our Find an Organiser feature here.